In the Shadows of Giants
by Lockhart-in-the-Closet
Summary: Lily Evans is dead and Severus Snape is the one to find her body. In the aftermath of the downfall of the most powerful wizard ever known, Severus is struggling under the weight of Lily's memory. Based off of final film scenes and slightly AU. One shot.


A/N: Soooo... yeah. I went and saw Deathly Hallows part II at the 12:30 AM showing opening night here in Florida. Once the film got to THAT part of the story, I'm not gonna lie, I lost it. The fact that they decided to include Snape finding their bodies was totally awesome to me, and it inspired me to write this little fic. I've purposefully ignored what is probably a canon story line, but I wanted it this way simply to show how disjointed Snape's thoughts and feelings would have been, and how chaotic things would have been in the wake of Voldemort's defeat. I think it would be a little unrealistic if Snape WASN'T picked up by Aurors before he broke down in Dumbledore's office.  
>Anyway, I'm just gonna say this might be a little AU, all standard disclaimers apply, blah blah blah. Also, all stuff in <em>italics<em> is text directly lifted from the book, which was constantly open in my lap as I wrote this. XD So don't sue me; this is for ENTERTAINMENT. 

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><p>Lily was dead. His Lily. Dead. His mind kept replaying the mantra over and over, as if thinking it would bring her back. As if the cold, lifeless corpse in his arms would suddenly spring to life and reprimand him like she had done so many times before at Hogwarts. Instead Severus found himself rocking back and forth, a dry wretched sound wrenching itself from his throat and chest. He couldn't even see - all his tear filled eyes would register was the vibrant red of her hair, the pallor of her skin. His ears could dimly recognize the sound of a child sobbing - screaming but Severus made no move to go to Lily's child.<p>

His arms tightened around her body and he buried his face in her brilliant red hair. She did not respond and Severus knew she never could. The sound coming from him became harsher, if at all possible. Lily was dead. Those green eyes would never look at him again. It was like a bird with broken wings; unable to fly and likely never to fly again from the damage to the delicate bone structure that enabled it to take wing.

"Lily... Lily..." Dimly, Severus became aware that he was sobbing her name over and over like a spell he had trouble mastering. His stiff hands finally relaxed, but his arms did not. His touch became gentle, and he could almost believe she was simply napping in his arms. The cuts and bruises to her slender frame and her unseeing eyes told a different story however. No amount of lies and disbelief could take that away. Lily was dead.

It was several more minutes before Severus could control his breathing, and even then his breath was shallow as if he'd had an asthma attack and was finally able to breath. The tears would not stop however; the front of his robes were soaked through. With a rough sniff Severus shifted his arms. It was then that he became aware of the voices outside of the house. Instinctively his hand went to his wand. He didn't care what side they were on, he'd kill them if they came near Lily.

When he heard several Order member's voices however, Severus realized he wouldn't stand a chance, and his hand relaxed from his wand. He stood and gently replaced Lily where she had fallen, though it killed him to do so. He took a deep shuddering breath, and finally looked up at the baby. Immediately his resolve broke as he stared into the green eyes of Lily Evans in James Potter's face. Even as a baby the resemblance was striking. The tears started afresh and with a loud crack Severus disapparrated from the tomb of the Potter family.

Immediately Severus collapsed into his bed, the rumpled and cold bed at his father's house at Spinner's End. It wasn't the place he would have gone if he'd had the choice, but apparently his mind wanted to go back to slightly happier times. Sure his father was a horrible man, but when he'd lived in this house Lily had been alive and young. He squeezed his eyes shut against the cold white pillow, and new sobs wracked his frame. His hands fisted in the worn gray comforter. To spite him his stomach and mind would not allow him the blessed relief of sleep. He lay in that bed wracked by sobs until his body rebelled and he was forced to empty his stomach from the emotional and physical strain of Lily Evan's death.

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><p>"Sev! Look!" Lily was grinning from ear to ear as she held out a dandelion to him, the seeds dancing in the air around her hand.<p>

It was third year at Hogwarts. James Potter had just saved Severus' life the night before at the Whomping Willow. "_James Potter fancies you!_"

"_I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag . . ._"

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><p>All night and into the morning Severus relived memories of Lily. Their time at Hogwarts and the war that wrenched them apart. He thought of her laughing green eyes and the healthy glow of her skin. He thought of the times they had sat in the grass at Spinner's End, talking of Hogwarts and all of it's fabled wonders.<p>

It was a loud bang downstairs that woke Severus from his trance, and he lurched out of the bed and to his swaying feet. His hand was already on his wand, but his scattered mind could not think of a proper curse. Before he could react two sets of Auror's were in the room, his wand already clattering to the floor and a powerful stunning jinx had been sent his way.

The next coherent thought and recognizable place was that of Azkaban. He was in his own little cell and Dementors patrolled the halls, sucking all the happiness out of the room as they passed. Severus struggled to keep himself composed and conscious. He wasn't sure how long this lasted; after an hour most are so deep into their worst memories that time becomes relative. It was no different for Severus.

Over and over he relived the day Lily had broken off their friendship ("_But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?_"). He relived the day he'd called her that horrible word. Even to that day he hated the word, hated himself for saying it. He relived Lily's wedding day – he hadn't been invited but had spied on it anyway. He relived finding her body in that debilitated house. Over and over and over like a broken record. He never once cried out or gave any outward indication to his internal pain except for the occasional shaky breath and tear that slid down his gaunt face.

It could have been an hour, it could have been a week that he'd lived this, but finally a figure was outside of his cell and flanked by two Aurors. His mind was sluggish, but he recognized the man as Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts and the man he'd begged to keep Lily safe. Hate, black and deep rose in his chest and he fixed that hate onto Dumbledore. He didn't move from the corner he'd sequestered himself in, but he knew Dumbledore was aware of his stare.

Words were exchanged, and the cell door was opened with a deafening clang. The two Auror's stepped forward and hauled him to his feet, half dragging him out of the cell. Severus snarled and wrenched his arms from their grip, opting to stand on his own two feet. Once he'd found his balance the Aurors seized his robes once more and forcibly lead him down the long corridor of cells. Severus saw a few fellow Death Eaters, all of whom were in various positions, all indicating fear or pain. These were only the ones that had been caught before Voldemort's downfall.

With a grunt of surprise Severus was thrust into light and processed. He sent a look over to Dumbledore who gave away nothing, only staring at him with those ice blue eyes. In another few moments he was magically bound and then they were in the Ministry, headed to the Wizengamot.

It was grueling, being interrogated and then waiting for a verdict. To Severus' surprise Dumbledore had come to his defense, vouching for the broken man. He had been in Azkaban for nearly a month, and it showed in his overly gaunt features and thinner frame. His hair – something Potter had tortured him mercilessly over – was even more slick and shinny from grease build up. He looked and felt like hell, but the sneer of anger never left his face.

After his release, Severus spent a few weeks moving the last of his things out of his father's place, valiantly keeping himself together until cover of darkness. When midnight fell his walls fell as well, and he would stay in his childhood room, unable to move from grief. He rarely ate in those weeks, his already thin and gaunt frame becoming something close to skeletal. It was a week after he'd finally packed the last box at his old living quarters and moved into a shanty little apartment with a leaking problem that he received an owl addressed in the distinct script of one Albus Dumbledore. Inside, the letter requested his presence at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

It took Severus all of an hour to deliberate on appearing to the older wizard but he chose to make his appearance, dread in his heart. Once he was at Hogsmeade Severus' resolve slipped slightly. He owed Dumbledore an appearance at least. The man had defended him against the Dementor's Kiss. He struggled internally even as he walked with long thundering strides up the steps at the entrance to the castle. McGonagall was the one to receive him, opening the large school doors lightly, her head poking out to look at him. The slightly distrustful expression on her face told him what she thought of him. He sneered at her and strode past, ignoring the older woman as he made the journey to Dumbledore's office. McGonagall was already there which slightly irked him as the trip was maybe all of ten minutes from the front doors of the school. She didn't speak to him as she mumbled the password and let him past.

Every nerve in his body was on fire as he stepped into that office. Dumbledore was already there, sitting at his desk reading the Daily Prophet. Severus took that moment to assess the older man. He was worn, tired, but very alert; he was probably already aware of Severus' presence in the room. His suspicion became fact when Dumbledore spoke without looking up.

"Hello, Severus. Nice of you to finally visit me." Severus jerked his head slightly in recognition of Dumbledore's words, and hesitantly stepped further into the room.

"I thought you were going to keep the Potter's safe." There was no preamble and Dumbledore sighed as he realized that Severus would not want to talk of anything else.

"Severus -" He leaned back in his chair, looking over those half moon spectacles, staring into Severus' very soul.

"NO! You promised!" Hate rose in Severus again, and his hand itched to go to his wand. His chest rose steadily as he stared at the old wizard. "You promised you'd keep her safe!" Severus blinked rapidly; the tears were threatening his sight.

Dumbledore simply stared at him some more, and it pissed Severus off. "Are you going to just stare at me? Lily is dead!" His mind had latched onto the only thing he could use to rationalize why Lily had died: Dumbledore hadn't protected her enough. Dumbledore sighed and stood, stepping around his desk and approaching Severus. Gently his hand touched Severus' shoulder, guiding the younger man to the seat in front of his desk. He forced Severus into the seat and stood in front of him.

"Severus . . ." Dumbledore felt for the man in front of him. In the span of a month Severus had aged nearly a hundred years it seemed. The man lurched forward, his face buried in his hands. Harsh sobs began to shake his shoulders. The headmaster reached out and placed his hand on Severus' shoulder again, this time in comfort.

"_I thought . . . you were going . . . to keep her . . . safe . . ._"

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><p>AN: So I decided to end it there, don't kill me in my sleep kthxbai.

I actually decided to end it like that because we already know what happens in Dumbledore's office. We already know how the story ends. This was literally just me getting something out of my system because it was an unbearable itch that needed to get out. I am actually working on another one shot right now - it's for Yugioh 5D's before you ask. I also have another idea for a Severus and Lily fic, but I won't be writing it for a little while until I finish the one shot I'm currently working on.  
>Also, as another note, if the story seems disjointed and confusing, it's kind of supposed to be that way. Snape is a mess, and I wanted to reflect that.<p>

See ya around, and PLEASE leave a review.


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